One recent evening, I was at home reflecting on the past year. While I knew I’d be in for a ride, it’s proven to be more confusing and exhausting than I’d anticipated. There have been so many times where I’ve prayed, as though I were filing bug reports in the tracker of a software project, but never heard anything back.

“God, I really need you to take a look at the tracker. I’ve filed several issues and haven’t heard back on them.”

“Yes Joe, I see them.”

“Well, I’d really like to hear back on these issues, you see. I’ve marked the severity on many of them as ‘critical’ and the priority as ‘urgent.’”

“Indeed you have.”

“So what are you going to do about them? They involve relationships that need to move forward and promises you’ve made to me.”

“For the moment, nothing.”

“NOTHING?!?! But they’re important to me! I’m in more emotional pain than I’ve ever experienced in my life. My world is turned upside down. My questions still have vague, unsatisfactory answers. I don’t know how much longer I can endure this.”

“I want you to learn another programming language.”

“What?!?! God, my problems right now have nothing to do with my technical skills. I already spend too much time on the computer as it is. There’s plenty of time in this life to learn as many programming languages as you need me to. As soon as all of these relationship issues are sorted out, reviewed, and resolved, I can get on that programming language.”

“Relationships take time and work, Joe. You need to learn another programming language now because I’m going to use it in your life later.”

“Oh, I see. You need my help to clear out the backlog. Just tell me the next step in making my relationships work and I’ll do it. I realize it’ll take time and maybe I’ll have to re-prioritize some of these issues…”

“No Joe. You have made as many moves as I need you to. It’s now time for you to work on something else while I work on your relationships. I have someone picked out for you, but you have to wait.”

“Is this someone a man or a woman?”

“Not gonna say.”

“But I want to be prepared!”

“You’ll be prepared. But the timing has to be right. For now, you need to focus on other things.”

“God, I’m just in so much pain. I really want to resolve some of these issues and archive them.”

“They’re not ready to be resolved, Joe. I sent my one and only son to live on earth. He lived there just a little while longer than you’ve been alive. He was perfect and never did anything wrong. Yet he experienced the ultimate betrayal and had to deal with some of the biggest hypocrites in history. He experienced every type of pain imaginable and suffered an excruciating execution. He did it all so you and I can have this relationship.”

“God, I know all of that. I’ve been told all of that since I was a little kid. I believe it with all of my heart. I love you and I know you love me. But I feel like I’ve wasted so much time and that it’s about to run out. I’m getting very panicky and anxious.”

“Cast all of your anxiety on me, Joe. You’re exactly where I need you and you’re doing exactly what I want you to do. I care about your relationships and they’re not going to languish. I know it seems like this part will never end. I know it’s painful to be single while you watch all of your friends get married. But I’m preparing an immensely incredible story for your life. If you know any more now, you will be tempted to skip to the end and make it work by your own efforts. This pain you’re experiencing will help you remember how precious people and relationships are. This is going to give you a deep well of strength for times when you’ll need it.”

“But…”

“But you’re going to have to trust me. You have the choice Joe: you can go off and try to make things happen in your own power. And it may even work for a little while. But you’ll miss out on the promises I’ve made to you. My promises are good and I’m not going to make a fool out of you or torture you. I’m going to use you and so many other people to help transform this world. But you’re going to have to trust me now and focus on this programming language in the meantime. So will you do it?”

At this point, I pause. So many times, I’ve treated my faith as a black and white thing where making the right decision will always be obvious, if not easy. I genuinely wish I could get some closure on the things disturbing me. I wish more people understood the pain and confusion I go through.

But I know that God does not lie. I do not need to worry about things I cannot control. He will keep his promises.

So I’m learning Ruby.